Two years after fleeing Ukraine, a WA family waits for their son

The Biletskiy family left their home in the southern Kherson region of Ukraine in February 2022, the early days of the Russian invasion. The oldest son, Roman, at the time 22, had decided to join the Ukrainian military instead of fleeing. Valeria and her husband, also named Roman, settled in Orting, Pierce County, with their seven other children, now aged 13 to 19.

Two years after resettling in Washington, Valeria remains unsettled. She worries about her son and has a deep longing for her home country, without any end in sight for the conflict. Even after the Russian invasion of Ukraine stopped dominating headlines, Valeria and other refugees continue to deal with the repercussions of this ongoing war.

Valeria sells art in a shop tucked between a tiny barber shop and an ice cream parlor. Their shop has a Ukrainian flag draped over the door, leading to a selection of shirts with popular cartoons and anime illustrations, sold for $5. They also sell homemade honey from her husband’s personal beehive.

Along the walls are paintings in familiar shades of greens and blues of local landscapes: forests, lakes, rivers and other nearby features like Mount Rainier. These hang close to paintings in hues of gold and yellow, depicting the wheat fields of the former Biletskiy farm in Lymanets, Ukraine, as well as artwork of pink, red, blue, purple and yellow flowers in the style of traditional Ukrainian ornamental folk art – petrykivka painting.

The Biletskiys are among the thousands of refugees from Ukraine who have resettled in Washington in the two-plus years since Russia invaded their country.

Refugees in Washington  

More than 25,000 Ukrainians arrived in Washington from January 2022 to April 2024, with at least 400 new arrivals in March 2024 alone, according to the state Office of Refugee and Immigrant Assistance.

Ukrainian refugees live under Ukrainian humanitarian parole, a program that President Joe Biden started in February 2022 to allow refugees to stay for two years. This is a completely different status from other migrants and refugees, who use different ways to settle in the U.S.: seeking asylum, refugee status or other methods.

Although it’s been more than two years since Russia invaded Ukraine, the war is ongoing, with more than four million Ukrainian refugees outside the country needing protection and assistance, as well as 12 million still inside the country who need aid, according to the United Nations.

The UN estimates that at least 10,000 civilians have been killed since the beginning of the war, with more than 19,000 injured as of January 2024. 

Valeria said her art has helped her through her grief and longing to be with her son and homeland. The last time the Biletskiys spoke with Roman was in March 2022 on the phone during their escape from Ukraine. Two months later, on May 17, they were mistakenly notified of his death through an official letter and award from Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

Then two months later, they received shocking news when the Red Cross reached out to the family and said their son was alive.

It turned out Roman had been taken hostage while defending Mariupol at the Azovstal Iron and Steel Works, where thousands of Ukrainian soldiers and civilians were trapped for weeks at the beginning of the Russian invasion in April 2022.

They got further confirmation that Roman was alive in February 2023, when they saw a video of their son in a Russian prison and received a letter and photograph from him. The family also has heard from freed soldiers that he is alive and helping other soldiers and civilians, but they have not heard directly from him since then. Ukraine and Russia recently swapped at least 100 prisoners of war each, including about 50 soldiers captured from the Azovstal steelworks. Roman was not one of the prisoners exchanged, according to the Biletskiys. The Biletskiys hope for more news about their son. They said that in the February 2023 video, they only heard Roman say his name and saw his thin frame for a second before the camera moved onto the next prisoner. They have waited to hear from him daily since building their new life in Washington with their seven children.

“It’s easy for children, because they are younger and can easily adjust. They like school, they have friends and are really enjoying this time,” Valeria said in Ukrainian through a translator. “However, for us, it’s harder because our son is in captivity, and we can’t feel happy being here.”

Valeria said that in the back of their minds, they often feel guilty to enjoy life knowing that most of their family chose to stay in Ukraine, thinking that the war wouldn’t last as long as it has.

Leaving their homeland

In an interview in their store in Orting, Valeria and Roman recalled seeing Russian military tanks rolling through their farm town and settling inside their neighbors’ homes and farms. The soldiers came with their own resources, but once that supply ran out, they began to take from civilians, forcing them to leave their homes.

The Ukrainian military was unable to come help the town due to the Russian occupation.

“For the first 10 days, there were no executions, only arrests, since they occupied people’s homes,” Roman said. “But after then, they started to execute people. Especially those that had family in the police or power in the city.”

On March 12, 2022, their neighbors alerted the Biletskiys that Russian soldiers were looking for a big family with a big white van who were related to members of the police and military. This describes the Biletskiy family, the only big family in town with a large white van.

They decided to flee that day in a funeral hearse since that was the only vehicle they owned that fit everyone in their family. Along with the son who decided to stay and fight, Valeria’s mother and sister stayed because they didn’t think the occupation would last as long as it has.

On their way out of town they saw active combat between soldiers and civilians and destroyed tanks and vehicles, and felt explosions. Later, the elder Roman received a message from his brother to take a different route, but it was already too late.

Trekking out of Ukraine proved difficult also because Ukrainian soldiers flipped street signs and jammed networks to confuse Russians. The tactic was effective, but also confused fleeing civilians. The elder Roman said he used his knowledge of the polar stars to navigate which direction to go. His brother had settled in Washington in 2002, so they already knew where they would end their journey.

They eventually made it to Poland, then France for a day, before heading to Mexico and meeting with U.S. Border Patrol in Tijuana, awaiting entry into the U.S.  

Valeria and Roman had adopted most of their children, so they all had different last names, which proved difficult for the agents to process. They eventually made it through and stayed briefly in San Diego before finally arriving in Seattle on April 10, 2022, nearly a month after leaving their home.

Life in Washington

“We were surprised to see all the kindness and friendliness of people here,” Valeria said, remembering the months after their arrival. “After we were left with nothing, every place we went to, everyone was welcoming, and we were never refused help.”

Roman’s first job in the U.S. was to install heating and cooling systems; however, now he focuses on maintaining their shop in Orting.

The children were able to pick up English in school and received support from fellow students and teachers. Holidays are an especially fun time for them, though Valeria talked about the guilt that lingers when she thinks of her family still in Ukraine, and about her oldest son’s whereabouts.

“It was very hard for us to be here and see all this good stuff and experience this while we know our people, families in Ukraine are still suffering,” Valeria said. “We couldn’t allow ourselves to feel happy because the mourning is still there for our family.”

After the first false notification of her son Roman’s death, she turned to painting to cope with the grief and the news out of Ukraine.

Her gallery proceeds help her family, and is sent to friends, family and others in Ukraine with missing partners and fathers serving in the military. She donates artwork to various fundraisers for Ukraine like Ukraine Defense Support, a Washington-based nonprofit that provides humanitarian aid. The family also hosts small concerts in their shop featuring Ukrainian musicians.

Valeria said she also lost her sister-in-law, who was sexually assaulted and killed by Russian soldiers since she was the wife of a police officer. The woman’s 3-year-old son survived but was tortured by Russian soldiers who choked him and burned his forehead by putting lit cigarettes on it.

“It’s a dream to get my son out of captivity and to go back to Ukraine to meet him there in our homeland,” Valeria said. She said she doesn’t have plans for the future since it remains uncertain where they will go.

While the rest of Valeria and Roman’s children like living in the United States and plan to settle here, she feels a longing for her homeland. Their three oldest children have part-time jobs to help support their family.

“Right now, we don’t have a home in Ukraine anymore,” Roman said. “It was destroyed by a Russian rocket.”