This Week's Rhymes for the Times

Putting on the Doggerel: The curtain parts, a hush falls on the crowd, and stepping center stage are businessmen, dancing the intricate "Shuffle Off to Oklahoma City" with their lawyers as partners. It's time for another performance of ...
Crosscut archive image.
Putting on the Doggerel: The curtain parts, a hush falls on the crowd, and stepping center stage are businessmen, dancing the intricate "Shuffle Off to Oklahoma City" with their lawyers as partners. It's time for another performance of ...
Midwest Story

To the tune of "The Jet Song"

THE SYNDICATE:
When you've got dough
You can way over-pay
For a second-rate team
To remove to OK!
When you've got dough
You can sound real sincere,
So a lot of the rubes
Think you're staying right here!

CLAY: I speak for the cash, I'm never glib or jokey,
When I'm talkin' trash, I'm always very low key,
I'm one smart Okie!

THE SYNDICATE: When you've got dough
You can then make demands
For a venue in Renton
Endowed by the fans.
When you've got dough,
You can whine to the press
That the Mayor and the Council
Are causing you stress!

CLAY: I have to admit I'm feeling some frustration,
I guess I'll submit to binding arbitration,
Not litigation!

ALL: (spoken) But just remember ...

We are the team (Yeah!) if you like it or not.
We own every player, we own every shot.
Own the Whole! Ever! Mother! Loving! Lot!
Yeah!

To the tune of "Gee, Officer Krupke"

THE TEAM: Dear local Key Arena, the problem is you're small,
You are a wee sardina, compared to other halls,
The boys from Oklahoma blatantly contend,
Key Arena, you're a big dead end!
Gee, old Key Arena, they argue last year,
You cost the Sonics owners 17 million clear,
Ignoring the fact that our play was inept,
If we were winners we'd be kept.

THE PRESS: They'd be kept, they'd be kept,
They'd be surely kept! And the Key's where fans would have to schlep!

THE MAYOR: So poor Key Arena,
You give me the chills,
Another renovation? I'm not paying those bills.
Say Key Arena,
What are we to do?
Well Key Arena,
Scrap you!

To the tune of "Maria"

THE FANS: The only round ball team we've ever had;
The Sonics! The Sonics, the Sonics, the Sonics!
A team that's usually been pretty bad!
The Sonics! The Sonics, the Sonics, the Sonics!

The Sonics!
We're losing a team called the Sonics!
And only a naïf could ever have belief'd
They'd stay!
The Sonics!
We'll grieve when they leave, bye bye Sonics!

CITY ATTORNEY TOM CARR: And all that's left to do, is make sure that we screw Old Clay!

SLADE GORTON: The Sonics!
They must stay, so we'll say, to the buyers,
With The Lease we will fleece those big liars,
The Sonics!
Time for Slade to get paid for the Sonics!

EXIT ALL, CONFERRING WITH THEIR SHARKS

  

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